When should I start talking to my child about sex?

Don't limit yourself to one big "Sex Talk". Your child deserves to have constant open communication on this subject. The best time to start having these discussions is some time during the preteen years, when the body is changing and kids are particularly curious. Of course, the exact age varies. If your child is old enough to ask, they are old enough to received a truthful answer.

How do I start talking to my teen about sex?

Questions are a good starting point for a discussion (either asked by your child, or initiated by you). When kids are curious, they're more open to hearing what their parents have to say. Another way to initiate a discussion is to use a media cue, like a TV program or an article in the paper. After reading or viewing the program, ask your child what he or she thinks about it.

Be sure to establish healthy lines of communication early on. If you aren't open to talking about sex or other personal subjects when your kids are young, they will be a lot less likely to seek you out when they are older and have questions.

Should I be concerned about my child being exposed to pornography as a preteen?

Yes! Most boys are first exposed to pornography around age 8. Most children who are savvy on the Internet frequently run into pornographic sites by accident. A recent article from MSNBC stated, "Forty-two percent of Internet users age 10 to 17 surveyed said they had seen online pornography in the past year." Since boys this age have a heightened curiosity about, this is the time to be diligent about what your son is being exposed to

If you discover your son with pornography, it is time to talk to him about the reality of what he is involved in. Pornography is degrading and humiliating for both females and males and is harmful to the viewer. Pornography is destructive because it promotes sexual stimulation outside of the most important part of human sexuality-an intimate relationship with a real person. It often becomes a substitute for healthy relationships and can become addictive.

How do I address masturbation with my teen?

Masturbation is a common and predictable event-especially in the lives of young adolescent boys. Addressing the topic with your kids requires that you be honest, open, and unshaken by the topic yourself. You should start talking about masturbation in anticipation of your child entering adolescence. It should be described as an act that is unfulfilling and is a substitute for a real sexual relationship that should occur in an intimate marital relationship. Your child should understand that masturbation can become addictive. Lessening the risk for addiction includes honest sex education grounded in the values of abstinence until marriage.

At what age is it appropriate for my son or daughter to start dating?

There is no magical number that all families agree on when it comes to an appropriate age for their children to start dating. Some parents feel that dating in groups is okay, while others discourage dating all together until their kids are out of high school. The reality is that teens aren't necessarily "dating" anymore at all. Teens nowadays either "hang out" or "hook up". Since the definition of dating has undergone some changes throughout the years, it is important to find out from your teen what dating means to them. Address questions about the purpose of dating and also what they think about group dating. Once you have a clear idea of what dating means to them you can better determine what your rules should be.

Remember, you are the parent and it is your responsibility to establish ground rules and expectations and clearly explain these to your teen.

Should I be concerned if my teen is involved in a long-term relationship?

It is important for you to have a clear idea of what the relationship is about. You can begin by inviting your teen's boyfriend or girlfriend over to get to know who they are. Include them in family activities to observe the way they treat your son or daughter. Look to see if their relationship appears healthy and that they treat each other with respect. Here are some questions to help you decide:

1. What is your teen like around his/her significant other? Does their personality change? Positively or negatively?
2. Does the boyfriend or girlfriend allow your teen space and free time, or are they possessive and domineering?
3. Has your teen ever tried to end the relationship, and the significant other has refused to let him/her go?
4. Is you teen too touchy-feely with significant other or overly affectionate in public?

A danger can come when teens in a long-term relationships and are tempted to become sexually active. Your child will need constant reminders of why postponing sex is the healthiest choice.

Should I be concerned about the clothes my daughter is wearing?

Parents should most definitely be concerned about what their daughter is wearing. First, it is important to explain to your daughter that while women are more relationally stimulated, men are turned on by what they see. In other words, men will react to lots of skin being shown.

It is important for your daughter to know that sexy clothing can draw the wrong kind of attention that may lead to date rape or early sexual involvement. A woman who knows her worth doesn't need this type of attention to gain affirmation. Encourage your daughter to express her style in modest ways that still allow others to see who she is.

Should I give my child condoms or birth control, since she may have sex anyway?

This is an excellent question to ask, and the answer is No! We often assume that because so many teens are having sex, our teen will want to join the consensus. The truth is that many teens look to their parents for guidance on this issue. If a parent is eager to hand out condoms or birth control, a teen may interpret this as an encouragement toward sexual activity.

If you think your teen is sexually active, pick a time to have a calm discussion. Ask them questions about why they want to be sexually active and if they understand all of the risks involved. You can also talk to them about the emotional, physical and social consequences of sex before marriage. Engaging in a healthy dialogue with your teen opens the lines of communication about sex.

When a teen is given a condom by a parent, he or she may assume it is fool-proof (after all, parents wouldn't give us something that could fail right??) It is easy to have a false sense of security when relying on contraception to protect from disease and unwanted pregnancy. In regards to contraception, the only perfect method is abstinence. Condoms do not eliminate the risk of STDs. Both HPV and Genital Herpes can be transmitted through genital skin-to-skin contact where areas of the condom do not even cover. While helping to prevent pregnancy, birth control pills do not protect from any STDs. Handing a teen a condom for the sake of safe sex is like giving a teen a parachute bag that may or may not open before they jump.

Why is teen sex so risky?

Teen sex is risky for several reasons. Sex affects us emotionally, mentally, and physically. Teens are not ready for the extent of intimacy and responsibility that having sex brings. Other reasons include:

1. A teen girl's cervix is still developing until her mid-twenties, making her more vulnerable to bacteria and viruses due to sexual contact.
2. Almost any STD can be transmitted through oral sex (a very common practice among youth).
3. Teens aren't getting tested for STDs-studies show that 85% of youth that have an STD do not show any symptoms.

Will my teen really want to talk to me about sex?

Yes, yes, yes! You are your teen's most important resource when it comes to talking about sex. Surprisingly, most teens are waiting for their parents to bring up the topic. Talking about sex with your teen doesn't have to be a scary event. Think of it as an opportunity to deepen your relationship and guide them in their future.